Are you a father? Look in the mirror and ask yourself this question. Are you a good father? I think I’m a great father, and I get told this all the time by friends, and family, and even strangers too. I love my kids. I would walk through Hell with gasoline drawls on to make sure they are safe, happy, and well taken care of. I can look in the mirror and say that I am a great father. I spend time with my children every day, I love them and hate being away from them.
I know a lot men who have children, but I don’t know a lot of good fathers. I can count the good fathers I know on one hand. In fact, I know a lot of very bad fathers. Men who neglect their children and abuse their mothers. It may not always be physical abuse, but it is abuse none the less. I know more single mothers who should probably get cards and gifts on both Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day, because they are both the mother and the father.
I grew up with my mother being a single parent, and even though I was an only child, it was still rough. I can remember my mom struggling to keep the lights on, and having a hard time trying to keep the rent paid, sometimes working 2 jobs, all while trying to raise me, keep me clothed, and helping me with my homework. For some reason, I don’t seem to recall my father being in that struggle with us. As an adult, I can understand why my father was not there physically. He had another family, and what little bit of financial help he provided, was hardly enough to buy school shoes. To this day I have never been able to understand how a man can justify taking care of another man’s child, better than he takes care of his own.
Some men practice the fine art of being an invisible dad, absent from their child’s life but telling everyone how much they love their child, and complaining about paying child support. Now don’t get me wrong, I despise child support. I believe child support is designed to undermine the black community, to keep us in our place, and make us a permanent part of the economic underclass. It is designed to break up families and keep them in poverty. I’m all for a man taking care of his responsibilities, and God bless all of the men who do, but to the one’s who have to be forced by the government to take care of their own children is outright disgraceful.
No one had to force you to lay down with that woman, so no one should have to force you to take care of the child that results from those actions. So what if the woman goes to the nail salon with your child support money, or goes to get her hair done with the money she supposed to be spending on your child. Yeah, that’s messed up, but that’s why it’s called child support, and not money from dad.
According to the Census Bureau Reports in the United States, the average monthly child support payment is between $210 to $430. That’s about $2500 to $5000 a year. Yes, it’s tax free, but not nearly enough to take care of a children in today’s time that need all of the latest gadgets, phone, tablets, computers, gaming consoles, etc. By the time you add all of that up, the money is spent, and let’s not talk about food and clothing.
Children need to eat 3 to 4 times a day, and every other day, they grow out of something. Hence the saying, “Baby need a new pair of shoes”. However, seeing is how most of the men I talk to about child support don’t pay it, or are in the rears, in and out of court or jail for missing payments, it’s a downright travesty.
To top that off, it really does not work. You can not force a man to be a man. Women are just as much to blame too! Don’t have children before you are 25 years of age. Stop smoking, stop drinking, get all of the partying out of your system before you start having babies, because once they arrive the party is over. You will have another life depending on you to take care of them, so you will need to bring your A game.
Ladies, you must make better choices about who you have children with. If a guy already has 2 or 3 children that he does not have anything to do with, chances are, your child with him will be lucky number 3 or 4. If the guy you date has an abusive past, has put his hands on you, or threatens to put his hands on you, get out now before it’s too late. These things never end well.
If the guy you are involved with is a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater, don’t fall for the okie dokie. He will most likely cheat again, and again, or he is cheating on someone else with you right now. By all means, do not have a child with these types of men, because you will be a single parent raising your child, or for those who didn’t learn the first time, raising your children all alone, by yourself, with no support, financial or otherwise. Make sure the man you choose respects his mother, because chances are, he was taught to respect and cherish women.
Make sure the man you choose wants more out of life than a 40 ounce of beer and a blunt. He probably doesn’t want to work and sits around all day playing video games. This type of guy has his priorities mixed up and is probably not ready for any type of real-life commitment. Stay away from criminals if you enjoy your freedom. You will either end up as a co-defendant or giving birth to a criminal yourself. Find a man who has a real job, a man who wants things in life, and a man who has God in his heart. Most importantly, choose a man that is a man, because women need men, not boys.
Even though it’s rare, there are some deadbeat moms too, women on child support, and not paying, but this message is really for the men. Fathers please stand up! Humble yourself. Be blessed! Try to have a relationship with your children and appreciate their mothers enough to be respectful and be cordial enough to co-parent. Do not make babies you do not intend to father.
If you make a baby, make peace with their mother. There may be a way to avoid that child support, if you can maintain a peaceful relationship with the mother and take care of your child without the courts getting involved. The goal should be to keep the family together, not rip it apart. Treat the mother of your child, the way you would want someone to treat your own mother, and I promise, that alone will make any women proud to say that you are the father of their child. Fathers please stand up!